Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Relationship and Marriage Advice: Top Killers in a Relationship That Can Cause Divorce or Break Up

Whether in a relationship or marriage, there are certain relationship killers that can cause divorce or break up. Being aware of these can keep a relationship or marriage from going downhill:

Controlling behavior- Whether consciously or unknowingly,some partners act in such a manner that, because they have agreed to be in an exclusive relationship or have gotten married, that they OWN the other person and should have total control of the other - and monopolize their partner's life. A controlling behavior is a sign of insecurity and makes the other have resistance against the partner and lack of trust.

Dishonesty and Trustworthiness - If you enter into a relationship or marriage, honesty and trustworthiness make a relationship or marriage strong and should be the practice. Why enter into a relationship if you cannot be honest and live a lie? Once trust is broken, it becomes a vicious cycle - the other starts to distrust and always become suspicious of the dishonest partner, and thus start to be controlling, then the partner resists the control and it makes it snowball into a more serious relationship problem. Conversely, being trustworthy will make the partner have enough peace of mind to allow the other to have some amount of freedom, keeping the relationship interesting and each one happy.

Insecurity and neediness - while we are emotionally dependent on our partner to feel needed, loved and important, one should not put this responsibility on the partner for affirmation of confidence. We should always work on our own confidence and esteem by taking good care of ourselves and being independent as well.

Comfort zone danger -There are basically two dangers in this comfort zone trap: taking self for granted and taking each other for granted - Some partners fall into the comfort zone trap especially in a marriage that either partner becomes lax about the relationship since you are already bound by marriage, and the partner either starts neglecting self and the partner.

Addictions and vicious habits - Feelings of emptiness or inadequacy can cause people to seek gratification in other forms to fill the void, have a temporary or instant gratification and take away the pain of feeling neglected, alone and lonely. These can include substance abuse such as alcohol and drugs, overeating, gambling, relentless overspending (money issues can be a strong trigger factor), too much about career, computer addiction, and so on, are just about some of the ways a neglected partner does for instant gratification and temporary happiness, which unfortunately can shut out a partner and start to have separate lives.

Seeing the partner's fault but not one's own - some people only see what is wrong in their partner but not conscious of their own faults. For example, the wife sees that the husband is starting to flirt, but the wife does not see that she is not taking care of herself well. Or you might be aware of your partner's resistance or defiance, but you fail to see your controlling behavior.

Communication breakdown - One of the most important keys to a happy relationship or marriage is communication. When there are things that especially makes one upset, partners should openly discuss it in a calm civil manner so that resentment does not build within a partner. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding and misinterpretation.

Being aware of these relationship killers will hopefully help partners in avoiding these mistakes. A relationship or marriage is a working progress and the important thing is acceptance of one's shortcomings and the willingness to change.

To read on advice on how to deal with these relationship killers and thus avoid divorce or break up, read the full article plus other useful readings and tips on dating, relationship, family, parenting and self-improvement in the author's website http://guidance-and-advice.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hazel_Christine_Herber
http://EzineArticles.com/?Relationship-and-Marriage-Advice:-Top-Killers-in-a-Relationship-That-Can-Cause-Divorce-or-Break-Up&id=6298416

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