Saturday, March 10, 2012

Do You Need Relationship Break Up Advice Or Can Things Change?

As all of us know, intimate relationships can get really bad. I'm talking about fighting every time you see each other and even when you "just called to say hi." Usually it is mutual, and how couldn't it be? You become who you spend the most time with! The good news is you can change all this. How you say? Have you ever been in a fight and had someone do something so outrageous you just couldn't help but laugh?
I'm sure it's happened once in your life, if not many times. How do you feel after this sudden change of emotion? It's hard to get back into the same state, isn't it? Suddenly you forgot all together what started the fight and dropped it because it really wasn't that big of a deal. Hell your partner answered a question you asked with an answer you didn't like. Sound like someone you know, maybe someone extremely close to you?
Why do we fight? The answer is that we have rules. We all have a set of rules that have been put in place unconsciously or consciously in our past about the way we should act. Once one of these rules is broken we feel neglect, anger, sadness. Is this reality? Most certainly not! People come from all sorts of different backgrounds and cultures, your rules will be broken! But that does not mean you need to lash out. Simply think of other things that action that upset you so much could have meant. Odds are it wasn't to make you feel upset, sad, or neglected. It may even have been to try and make you happy, but you were too busy getting angry over the way they sang, you never realized they were singing a love song to you.
Fighting is never the answer. Actually fighting is the least productive thing you can do with your short time on this earth. Tell me the last time you fought with someone. What good came out of it? You can't tell me right? Well that is because there is nothing good about fighting with someone. I propose that you talk with your partner and say "Hey listen if we start to fight again and one of us can realize what is happening then let's do this......." Make "this" whatever you want it to be, a word to say, a funny face to make, jump in the air and scream "yes!!!"
You can't "talk" when you're mad. Have you ever talked with someone who was mad when you weren't and everything you said in the conversation was taken the wrong way? Maybe you have done it yourself, and hey we've all done it, I'm not an angel all of the time, but what we need to do is stop and realize "hey let's talk about this some other time when we both aren't mad." Then later you will find yourself saying "wow I really got upset at you when I know you were just trying to make me smile, sorry!" Look at that! No fight, no hour long conversations that go nowhere, just love for another human being.
Realizing this, we will get upset, it will happen, but what differentiates the failed relationships from the prospering ones is that people who prosper don't let their emotions take control of them. They realize "hey that upset me! What else could that have meant? Yeah that's more empowering than what my rules initially thought it meant!" And when something is really bothering them you know how they handle it? "Honey you did this earlier and I can't stop thinking about it can you tell me why you did that cause it really upset me." See how this is a little better than "Are you bleein kidding me? That was so bleepin bleeped up I can't believe you would do such a thing! You're a jerk." Therein lies why relationships fail. Who is truly going to care what the other person has to say? The person in relationship A? Or the person in relationship B?
The miracle of this is with simple communication adjustments the relationship can prosper to new heights! When you stop talking down to someone and start actually talking to them it is amazing how much you will learn and grow.
Now I am a big believe in, if a relationship is bad you need only to look in the mirror. Most people say "things will get better..." without taking any course of action to make them better. This could be as simple as changing the way you communicate with your partner, but most of us fail to do that. That being said, if you are putting love into a relationship and you have made numerous attempts to make the fighting and the name calling stop and it won't, it may be time to leave.
You have changed yourself to create a better relationship and that's the most you can ask of yourself. You can't say you are going to change the other person because one can only change themselves. And I admit it is hard to change, you have to realize you are doing something that is incorrect and then put in the effort to change it. To tell you the truth, most people make the excuse that they are the way they are, so deal with it. This is the most dis-empowering thing you can believe and I feel bad for them because you will never be truly happy and in control of your life.
All this being said look yourself in the mirror, are you doing all you can to make yourself a more loving, caring individual? Are you taking actions to make your partner happy? If not go do something right now to make them smile! But if the name calling and fighting continues to persist I think we all know what you need to do for your partner. No ones benefiting from constant fighting. Realize you are doing this for them, you are in a relationship only to give not to receive and when you can't give the other person happiness anymore it is time to let them go. It may hurt at first, but you must realize that you are doing it because you love them and you don't want to see them hurt anymore. Someday they will realize and thank you.
Michael James
Personal Trainer and Motivational Life Coach
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As a general rule, breaking up with someone is hard on both people. How To Get My Ex Back
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