Saturday, March 24, 2012

No matter how you slice it, relationship breakups are difficult to cope with. For those whose relationships are suffering from problems you may find this relationship advice challenging to say the least, especially if you are/were in a committed love

One of the first things that a person needs to consider is the question, "What am I expecting from my relationships?" I know for me, when I was younger and less mature, I expected love, support, and on a deeper unconscious levelvalidation! But the problem with those expectations is that no one else can really give you those things.

I can hear some of my readers minds now, "What? No one can give me love? No one can give me support? You must be joking! And just for the record, I don't need any validation. My self-esteem is just fine thank you!" Okay, so that is what I used to think and I am certain there are many others who still do too.

Of course someone else can give you love, but are you open to receive it? If you are not receiving it then what use is their giving it to you? If you are in the midst of judging another person, or even yourself, are you open to receive their love or any love for that matter? NO! If you are critical of Life and what it has been delivering to you are you open to receive love? NO! If you are worrying about how to pay the bills, or what kind of drugs your kid is smoking or what they are doing when you are not around, are you open to receiving love? NO!

As for support from othersthey can give it, but you can just as easily squander it. It can even become a setback. What happens when you depend on someone and their support and then they leave? It could be divorce, it could be death, it could be work, it could be drugs or alcohol, there are many ways in which someone can leave you and take their support with them. Then where are you? Helpless and frightened and once again in judgment of Life and other people.

But the biggest problem is self-esteem. Most people don't have it! Most people are seeking validation from outside of themselves. Low self-esteem shows up in two forms. The most obvious is when you just don't like yourself, when your thoughts, words and actions make you feel in some way unworthy and unlovable.

There is another side to low self-esteem and that is ARROGANCE! Oh I have a great deal of experience with that side of low self-esteem. Arrogance is how I used to cope with my low self-esteem and it is insidious because it makes you feel like you are so good that you are better than others. It often comes out in words and actions. The arrogant person has to be the one to be heard; they can talk on and on and often don't let others participate. Or they are always contradicting the ideas of others instead of finding the places that they can agree. The arrogant person is often putting other people down. But always, at the bottom of arrogance is low self-esteem. (There is a pretty cool story in my book on how I overcame my arrogance. If you need help with that issue, this book will be powerful for you!)

Relationship breakups give us the chance to face these issues in ourselves and to heal them. We get to become stronger people as a result. How would you like to be the kind of person who is never lonely, especially when you are alone? How would you like to be the kind of person who has an inner strength capable of facing any challenge that Life has to offer, especially when everyone is ignoring your requests for help? How would you like to be the kind of person who knows without a shadow of a doubt that you are thinking, speaking and acting in the right way, in a loving way, in a way that is of benefit to all people whose lives you touch, even when others are judging and criticizing you or telling vicious rumors about you? And how would you like to be happy anytime you want no matter what is going on in the outer world?

When you have to face life on your own you have the greatest possibility of growing into these life skills. When you face life on your own it is much easier to see what your creations are and what are the creations of others. It becomes much easier to understand the relationship between your thoughts and your feelings, because no one else is there to create in your experience. There is no one to blame, except yourselfof course you should not be blaming yourself either, but accepting that you have created your own reality.

I went through a pretty rough experience around a relationship break up when I was 44 years old. I had been divorced twice, had a wife die on me (story is in my book Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story), and then had my next fianc dump me too. I felt like my life was over. I felt like all I could count on was women leaving me. I felt like my youth was slipping away and I was never going to have that long lasting really great relationship that I needed to have that would prove that I was an okay person, and that I was worthy of love. I cried a lot. I was facing financial struggles too. I was living in Australia and they were asking me to leave because I no longer had a sponsoring job. I had other friends who were judging me and my actions too.

In the midst of all that pain and suffering I went through I kept a watch on my feelings and my thoughts. I was listening to a lot of Abraham CDs about the "Law of Attraction" and the "Science of Deliberate Creation". I got a new CD every week, and I listened to many of them more than once. It was during those times when I had my first experiences of Self-Realization. Intellectually I had learned that I was God, but those experiences were differentI remembered that I was Godit was just like I remembered where my bed was, or what my name was. I KNEW! And those experience changed me forever. I finally had the self-esteem that was previously based on other people's opinions of me. And I finally knew without a shadow of a doubt that whatever I did or thought about another, I was doing to myself. I still had habits of thought and action to overcome, but now I would not let anything or anyone deter me from making the necessary changes in my own programming. And I also know there will never be another lifetime, or a time in this lifetime, where I will not have this inner strength and awareness. These gifts are mine forever more!

And for the first time in my life I loved being alone, so much so that when I finally did find a wonderful woman to marry, my dear wife Shyni, I was actually disappointed to lose my alone time! At first I felt like I got married out of habit, because for so many years I was looking for it and had not stop to reconsider my priorities carefully enough. Now I was reaching for the ability to go into the state of Samadhi at will and the distractions of other people and their needs was getting in the way. Union with God is addicting, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

I have come to accept my choice to be in a relationship. I know I have work to do in continuing to reprogram myself and the challenges that come up when living with others is giving me the chance to do just that. So it really is perfect for me at this time, just as perfect as it was for me to lose the other relationships I had earlier in my life. Without those relationships breakups, I would not have Shyni in my life. In very many ways she is more perfect for me than any other woman has been, by a factor of ten. This is honestly the best and most amazing relationship I could ever imagine having.

No matter what challenges you face in your life, they are perfect and you have created them through the "Law of Attraction", this includes your relationship breakups. Walk through your fire and come out the other side. Many people consider suicide when relationships breakup. Suicide is like walking most of the way through the fire, and then turning around and walking back to the other side. You suffer so much more as a result.

Suicide will not take you were you believe you will be going, to a place of peace. Suicide is trying to escape from yourself, and you just cannot do it. Wherever you go, there you are. In the afterlife, you will not be in the heaven you think you will be in; you will still be enmeshed in your life's troubles, because the afterlife is still life. It is just life in another dimension. And you will not have the ability to change your programming there. You will be stuck with it, playing out your dramas over and over until your next physical life begins. And in your next physical life you will set up the same dramas so that you can finally face the issues and move through them. So in reality you will have to walk through that fire all over again, face the same pain all over again, and finish the walk to the other side. Don't do it!

You can find so much strength inside of you that it will be you that other people come to for strength and support. You can find so much strength inside of you that no matter if the entire world seems to hate you, you can still love yourself and them so deeply that you only feel love. You can become so enlightened, so wise, and so powerful that you are actually a clear conduit that God's love can flow through and heal others wherever you go. And if you become such a person, you will be overwhelmed at times by the difference you really do make in the world.

Relationship breakups are not the end, but the beginning of the next chapter your life. Get excited and know that you are in for something far better than you ever dreamed possible and your relationship breakup will be exactly that!

Love and Blessings, Michael Skowronski Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story

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