Saturday, March 10, 2012

Years ago, it was very hard if not impossible to get your partner to agree to go to relationship counseling. Nowadays, more couples are increasingly open-minded regarding learning themselves and learning different strategies in keeping their relation


Be Gentle in the Presentation
Sometimes in life, it's not what you say, it's HOW you say it. You should definitely keep that in mind when approaching your partner about going with you to relationship counseling. You need to bring up the discussion while there is no animosity in the air. Bringing up this topic during an argument or tension will not give you the answer you are looking for. You should always recommend counseling in a non-judgmental way to avoid feelings of blame or culpability. Try your best to make it clear that NEITHER of you were the problem but you BOTH are the answer. The correct demeanor is essential if you want your partner to consider the idea.
Make It About You
Although you would definitely NOT place the blame on yourself, you need to allow your partner to believe that you want relationship counseling for yourself-not them. Ask your partner to come with you to relationship counseling so that you can work out your own, personal issues. You could also indicate that you want to go to counseling so that you can become "educated" on how to become a better life mate. Or, you could state that you want to learn how to deal with stress within your relationship better, etc. By doing so, your partner would be more open to the idea because you've assured them that it was not all about them...but about you.
Don't Force The Issue
You cannot force the issue on your partner especially during the initial conversation. Don't accuse or insinuate to your partner that they need counseling because that will only backfire. Even if you feel that your partner is the primary problem within the relationship-you do not say that or make them feel as such. Bring it up, but you do not harass, badger or guilt them into counseling.
Just the mention of relationship counseling to some people is too stressful for them. If they feel as though you are on the brink of breaking up because of your request-assure them that this isn't the case. You must inform them that you are trying to mend what needs repairing and build on what is already solid.
If your partner still refuses to go-you must be steadfast and go on without them. You are showing them that you are committed to self-improvement and to your relationship. Chances are, once you start going and being committed to it-your partner will likely join in before you know it. Good Luck!
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