Monday, February 28, 2011

How to Get Over Guy The Steps for Moving On

Are you having trouble get over the guy?  Whether he dumped you or you broke up with him, letting go of someone who you had a close relationship is very difficult.  There is a space in your heart as well as a space in your life that are not quickly filled with anything or anyone else.  Yet, people do get over a relationship.  Here are five steps to get over guy you still like.

First, you need to let out the hurt.  Know that it is okay to cry when you are trying to get over the guy.  Some people keep a journal of their experiences because writing about the pain helps.

One thing that I have seen some people do that is very effective is to write a long letter about the relationship to their ex boyfriend.  Talk about the good times and bad.  Talk about the relationship and how he hurt you.  Let it all out.  When you have finished the letter, burn it.  That’s right.  Don't even think about sending it to your ex.  Instead, let flames consume the letter.  That provides excellent closure to the relationship.

Next, you have to decide that the relationship is really over.  If you hold on to the thought that he will change and come back to you, you will never get over this guy and move on.

Do something that symbolizes the finality of the end of the relationship.  A good example of this is to exchange all of the personal property that you have of the others.  Don't even keep the over sized t-shirt of his that is so comfortable for sleeping in.  And, if there are things too minor to exchange (like a toothbrush), throw them away.  Clear your place of all of his things.  It is a way of clearing him from your life.

You need to depend on your friends through this time.  Until you meet your husband, guys will come and go, but your girlfriends are forever.  If you have been in a hot and heavy relationship, you may have inadvertently ignored your friends for a time.  Not only will your girls help you get over guy, but reconnecting will be good for your social life.

Also, your girlfriends will have had similar experiences to your break up.  Sharing their pain will help you understand that, however bad the hurt you are experiencing, others have survived and you will too.

You will probably have extra time on your hands now that you have broken up.  You used to spend a lot of time with your ex.  Use this time productively to get over guy.  Go to the gym and get your body in shape.  Take up a new hobby.

One of the best things you can do during this period is to join a group or a class.  Not only does a class take up the time you would have spent with your ex, but it also introduces you to a new circle of friends.

And, that brings me to my last point, when you want to get over guy, the best thing you can do is move on.  Between your old friends, the new friends you make in your class or hobby, and the activities you do to fill up your time, you will emerge as a new person.

Moving on is the best way to get over guy.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Get Guy Back – A Gals Guide to Making Up

How do you get guy back?  How do you convince him that what the two of you had together was special?  This is your “get guy back” gal’s guide to making up.

First of all, you have to recognize that whatever happened, you were both at fault.  If you cheated, he wasn’t giving you what you needed so you looked elsewhere.  If he cheated, you were the one not giving what he needed.  Yes, the cheater is morally culpable for the cheating.  The moral responsibility does not lie with the person who was cheated upon.  But the fault lies in both party’s laps.

Given that, it is important to forgive and forget.  True forgiveness means that you let go of all of the anger related to the incident.  You never bring it up again.  You never let it cloud your relationship.  If you cannot do this, you won’t get guy back for any period of time.

If you were the person at fault, apologize – and mean it.  Too many times, after people say “I’m sorry,” there’s an “Oops I did it again,” moment.  You’re not Britney Spears.  It’s not cute.  When you say you are sorry, you have to commit to changing.  Otherwise, you don’t mean it and you won’t get guy back.

Be prepared to chase him a little bit.  This doesn’t mean sending him hundreds of text messages or stalking him, but you have got to show him that you are still interested if you want to get guy back.  You can’t expect him to come running back just because you have sent out some modest signals that you are ready to re-start the relationship.  Put your ego in check and put your heart on the line.

You may have to settle for something less than you wanted.  It may be that he is only ready to be friends when you want a full fledged boyfriend.  It may take time to rebuild the trust.  If this is the case, you need to give him the space he needs to get to know you again.  Accept that you have to take what he is offering right now if you want to eventually get guy back.

Finally, you have to know when to give up on the get guy back strategy.  Sometimes, you just have to move on.  If your boyfriend is unable to forgive you, you are in a position where the best thing you can do is move on and enter into new relationships.  While this will break your heart right now, it may be the best thing that could have happened to you.  Whatever went wrong in this relationship, your soul mate is still out there.  Get guy back may stop you from meeting him!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Dealing With Break Up Causes Break Up Pain

Dealing with break up pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being.

Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with break up pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling break up, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter.

So why is the pain from a lost love break up so difficult? Because when dealing with a break up, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you’re going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with break up pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.

* Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

* Don't dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.

Your friends will probably realize that you're going through something serious, and they will more than likely dedicate themselves to trying to help you through it. If this is the case, don't blow them off, because going out and spending time with your friends and the people that you care about will be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with break up pain. Everyone goes through a period where they are dealing with break up pain, because everyone goes through a breakup. Rather than allow yourself to suffer while dealing with breaking up pain, what you should do is enjoy yourself and work on healing rather than allowing yourself to become stressed out, overwhelmed or depressed by your heartbreak.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Can I Save My Marriage – Its Up To You

It is depressing to see many marriages that are in turmoil, and it is especially disconcerting to see them end up as messy divorces, so you may ask how can I save my marriage? Filing for divorce is not the solution for when a marriage has hit its pushing limits. There are a number of solutions that require that both partners to be fully committed in saving the relationship that they have. The first step is counseling, which enables the couple to have a mediator in dealing with their issues.

In addition to professional services, there are a number of different things that can be done to save a marriage, it is not a complicated process and does not require much outside of both parties working towards the common goal. Below are four things that you can take to heart and utilize to "save my marriage" and improve the odds of successfully avoiding divorce.

First, know that the perfect marriage is a myth. Whenever two people are brought together, there will be problems, including the few that can grow into deal breakers in your marriage. This is a natural result of bringing two people together. Even perfect twins differ in likes and dislikes. For the marriage to succeed, the couple must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. Seeking perfection will only destroy everything. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you'll realize it is possible to "save my marriage."

Second, good communication is vital, for when the communication is insufficient; the marriage is doomed to face problems. The most vital thing is to be honest with your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be solved if communication is maintained. The third tip is to accept compromise. Many have made this an art, with good reason. The middle ground that will enable a conclusion to the conflict has to mesh with both parties and their interests before it can "save my marriage." Marriage on a whole is about compromise and knowing that there are times when your spouse will have to give and times when you have to give in order to "save my marriage."

Really, a marriage is about commitment, the fourth tip. Like a car, if it breaks down, you don't abandon the car on the side of the road. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage involves the same level of commitment and working towards making things work, if you ever have a chance to "save my marriage."

Sometimes, the damage to the marriage totals it, and no matter what you do, nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved, counseling cannot help. It is in these cases that divorce makes sense. Out side of these cases, divorce is not the answer. Instead, you should work with your partner to solve the issues that plague your marriage, and hopefully you will be able to say that you can "save my marriage."

Monday, February 21, 2011

Your Moving On The Break Up Is Over

Sometimes moving on (break up, loss or other major change) is difficult.  It’s rarely easy unless you’re so glad to get out of a situation that you can’t wait to make changes and move on.  A break up disrupts your whole life.  Everything you do and see seems to remind you of your ex.  If you had many mutual friends, even going out to keep from going stir crazy can be difficult.

One of the biggest hurdles you have to face when you’re ready to move on is your family and friends.  If your ex was popular with your family, you’re going to get tired of questions about the situation.  You must explain to them that you’re moving on, break up is over, and that you don’t appreciate constantly being reminded of your ex and the past relationship.

Sometimes this is difficult for family to deal with.  They want to keep bringing up the person in the hopes that you’ll get back together.  You can just explain, “Moving on, break up is over, that’s that.”  Eventually they’ll come around because they’re your family and they love you.  It’s probably going to be harder to deal with when it comes to your friends.

If you didn’t have many mutual friends, then it should be less of a problem.  But if the two of you often hung out with the same group of people, then you going alone to be with those friends is going to seem strange to everyone for a while. And then there’s the problem of your ex wanting to hang out with the friends, too.  You might even run into each other as you each attempt to hang out with your mutual friends.  This doesn’t mean that it’s necessary when you’re moving on break up with your friends.  It’s just simply going to be more difficult to maintain some of those friendships once the relationship is over.

As difficult as it seems, when you say, “Moving on, break up is history,” you may have to give up some of those friendships.  You and your ex may each have to keep in touch with only certain friends in your group of mutual friends.  Just try to maintain good contact and relationships with those you’re closest to and allow your ex to do the same with the others. While this can be painful, it’s probably easiest on everyone because they don’t have to choose which of you to be loyal to and which to avoid.

Sometimes the “moving on break up” period is just too difficult when you’re surrounded by mutual friends and so many places to go together.  If possible, go on a vacation to get away from the same scenery and people.  Take a vacation with a friend who isn’t involved in the situation; maybe a friend of yours who wasn’t friends with your ex.  This can help you get some perspective. Once you’ve declared, “moving on; break up over” then if you can take some time away it can help you a great deal.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

How To Stop My Divorce

First, if you were the one who made the decision to end the marriage and now you wonder, how can I stop my divorce? you should realize that you’re in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationships.  You’ll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology.  Explain that you acted hastily and that now you regret it.  Explain that you no longer want the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong.

This might seem a difficult step, but it’s necessary.  Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a good idea, too.  When you want to know, “How to stop my divorce,” you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong.  Unless they’ve had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.

If you’re wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place,” then you have your work cut out for you.  You can explain, without judgment or accusations, that you think the marriage is worth saving and that you don’t want a divorce.  Chances are that you’ve done this, more than once.  But the way you say it can make a difference.

It’s important for you to be very mature and calm about it.  That’s not always easy to do.  Divorce is an emotional and painful thing.  But it’s one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics.  If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you’re giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to learn ‘how to stop my divorce’ you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.

You also have to be willing to work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can’t go back to the way it was, but must change for the better.  Suggest marital counseling.  Explain, “I want to stop my divorce,” but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you’re ready to make them better.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

How To Get Over Someone You Love

If you want to know how to get over someone you love, you must realize that none of the answers are easy ones. No matter how ready you might think you are to move on and get over that person, that you have to ask how to do it at all shows that it’s going to be a painful process.  Sometimes it’s a slow process, too.  You might think you’re over someone and a year or two later be reminded of that person and feel all the pain and sadness again.  That doesn’t mean you’re not over the person, though.

If you’ve had a lot emotionally invested into a relationship and it ends, it’s something that can potentially make you feel sad for years.  Maybe even for the rest of your life.  But that doesn’t mean the sadness has to be paralyzing or has to throw you into a depression. By getting over the person, you can realize that losing them made you sad, and look back on it as you would any sad loss.  It’s the period of time soon after the loss that should be the hardest, that makes you ask how to get over someone you love.

If the break-up is new, often the only way to deal with it is just to face the pain and ride it out.  It’s going to hurt, no matter what you do.  But there are some things you can do to lessen the pain.  You can remove obvious visual reminders of the person, if possible.  Photographs of them can be put away for a while.  Gifts they gave you can be stored instead of displayed.  You can even avoid the places you used to go together for a while.  This tip can be found in pretty much every list that explains how to get over someone you love, so it’s at least a popular idea that’s worth a try.

If you’re really having trouble living your life after the break-up, it might be necessary to seek counseling.  Simply explain that you’ve just been through a painful break-up and ask the counselor how to get over someone you love.  They can offer helpful advice, and can be more specific that generic lists about how to get over someone you love.  A counselor can also probably offer better advice than friends or family.

Your friends and family might feel they know your situation too well.  Some may have motives for help you get over the person.  They might not have liked that you were in the relationship to begin with, so they might want you to get over things or move on to another person too quickly.  With a counselor, though, you can safely tell them things about the relationship you probably don’t want friends or family to even know.

Feel free to go to counseling for as long as you need to.  If the counselor feels you’re spending too much time dwelling on how to get over someone you love, they’ll tell you.